| Family Demands and Pressures |
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Assertiveness skills are also important in reducing stress in the family. You need to learn how to stand up for your own rights without trampling on the rights of others. Check the bibliography in The Stress Solution for some good books on assertiveness training or take an assertiveness-training course if you think you need more help. Money is a stressful focus in many families. Learning to budget and manage your money more efficiently is yet another way of lessening the stress in your family life. Conflict is a fact of human existence and no family is immune from it. You need effective conflict-resolution skills to keep family fights from making your home life more stressful for you than it need be. Try to stay cool and reasonable and listen to what the other person has to say. Communication is critical in conflict resolution, but understanding that there can be different ways of looking at a situation and that other ways can be as valid as your own is even more important. Try looking at the conflict from the other person's viewpoint. Try to state the issue in their terms. Ask them if you've got it right. Think about it from their viewpoint. Then ask them to extend you the same courtesy. You'll get better at conflict resolution with practice. Sharing is important to family harmony. Practice sharing yourself, your resources, and your skills with the other members of your family. The returns on your investment can be enormous. The more organized your family life is, the less likely it is to be stressful. Take the time to get things organized around the home. Divide chores and responsibilities. Be clear about who is responsible for what. Make lists. Organize family routines such as meal times, bed times, etc. Make schedules and stick to them. Organization also means keeping the house neat and tidy. Everyone needs to do their part, though you may have to be the prime mover in getting things started. It takes effort, but it's worth it. If you have children, parenting can be an incredibly stressful experience. You may need to develop parenting skills. The major guidelines to effective parenting are consistent limits, love, warmth, understanding, and communication. There are many excellent books on parenting skills. Every family has its difficult people. The only way to deal with difficult people who show no indication of changing is to develop a capacity for forbearance. They are part of your life, part of your family. You'll just have to put up with them. Understand they'll probably always be difficult and learn to live with it. Develop and use the skills we've described to reduce stress in your family life. If they don't get the job done, go for help. Family therapy, assertiveness training, parenting training, and bibliotherapy are all options you may want to consider if you have difficulty managing family stress on your own. When all else fails, there's always the legal system. Family life doesn't have to be stressful; it can be a primary source of support and a buffer against the stress in other parts of your life. Click on other areas of demand and pressure that are problematic for you to learn more about what you can do to get them under control as well. |
Family life can be a major source of stress, but there's a lot you can do to manage it effectively. First of all, you can improve your communication skills. Understand that communication is more than just talking to other people; listening is even more important. You can become a much more effective communicator by learning to be a better listener. When someone is talking to you, focus on what they're saying, not on what you're going to say in response, or in self-defense. When they've finished, ask them to extend you the same courtesy. Where communication has been particularly difficult, you might want to try having the other person speak uninterrupted for a fixed period of time (five or ten minutes) and then take your turn. With a little practice you'll improve your communication skills dramatically. The key is to listen and focus on what the other person is saying.